WOMEN's RIGHTS
WTF were women thinking?
We had it pretty damned good.
We got up,
had a nice breakfast with our families,
spent an hour or so cleaning,
did our hair and make up,
maybe some gardening,
met our friends for lunch or got together in the kitchen for coffee.
We exercised,
bought a new dress perhaps,
and were home to meet the kids after school where we helped them with their homework or had them practice the trombone or cartwheels.
We freshened up a bit before our hubbies came home so they didn't have to go elsewhere to look at a pretty lady, and they appreciated that enough to bring us flowers for the kitchen that they picked up on the way home.
We had the kids set the table while we finished making a delicious meal (including pie) and they helped with the dishes after.
Then we all sat around on the porch or played games in the living room, we went to bed with enough energy left to fool around.
But noooooooooooooooo, we wanted to VOTE.
We wanted to be self sufficient.
Well screw that.
I don't know about you, but I barely have time to take a 3 minute shower because I am rushin' off to work.
I stick my hair in a ponytail, and cooking a meal consists of pulling some stew like concoction out of the freezer and tossing premade rolls in the oven as I open a can of green beans most days.
My man sees me in pajama pants more than anything else and my dishes sit in the sink all night sometimes and I don't think the vaccuum has been put away in days~it just SITS there in the den, reminding me that I am too damned busy to use it.
If your man cheats.. can ya BLAME him?
He sees single women who have all the time in the world to be pretty, get their nails done, fix their hair, keep a perfect house.
*Try finding the money or the time to do those things when you are raising a kid(s), trying to clean your house and working a 50 hour a week job.
THOSE women are not real guys..
...they are US before we had you and kids.
~and they will BE us once it happens to them~
swear.
Men used to open doors,
buy flowers (really, when was the last time you got flowers before a date???)
and treat you like you were special.
Well, since they found out they could divorce us because we "can support ourselves", they trade us in on newer models and we are left trying to raise children in the few hours we have left when we get home after work....WHICH is the root of the problem.
No men home to show boys how to treat a women.
If DAD doesn't respect you, why should they.right?
of course right, so damnit. I'm back full circle.
It's women's fault because we wanted to VOTE.
and what did we get in exchange?
BUSH.
crap.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Physician, heal thyself (or at least put new rims on the Beemer)
I'm sure we are all aware of the big issue, no pun intended, concerning obesity.
Are you aware of the new craze involving women going to "doctors"
(yes that was in quotes and you would see me making that gesture were we speaking in person)
for "lipo-B" shots?
Uh huh.
this is the part where we say... HAHAHAHAHAHA.
So these women sit in an office once a WEEK, pay out anywhere from $25-$50 in CASH to get a shot in the hip of.........
(drumroll please)
vitamins and amino acids.
I take vitamins and amno acids too.
I buy a 60 day supply at WalMart for $6.
Here is a quote I pulled from a website touting the virtues of this wonder weight loss product.
"These injections are set up to be used in conjunction with a diet and exercise program."
DIET & EXERCISE???
are ya SURE?
genius.
There is no other word.
These NON-doctors have figured out a way to make a NON-TAXABLE income from a product you can give YOURSELF that you probably are not even really deficient of.
PLUS, they get the added bonus of selling you Phentermine (half of phen-fen which was pulled off the market in 1997 for KILLING people)
~and no, they are not certain of the effects of phentermine, but it is for OBESITY, not the trophy wife lookin to drop a little Mocha Latte weight.
Let's re-cap.
You can PAY up to $200 per month AND waste an average of 1.5 hours a week
(yes HUH you would, drive time & wait time)
PLUS!
~act now and you can also pay for a "doctor" visit at a minimum of $50, another HOUR per week and a PRESCRIPTION for Phentermine/Adipex (the generic phentermine)!
YAY!
.................................all without seeing an ACTUAL M.D.
(these services are most commonly offer by chiropractors and nurse practitioners and are NOT covered by insurance)
This all seems reasonable.
Oh wait,
NO
IT
DOESN'T!
Geez people, it isn't brain surgery.
Take a walk.
Eat a Salad.
Play a sport
Stop drinking sodas
Mow your own grass
Play with your kids/dog
Join a gym (don't tell me you can't afford it. one month is the same as ONE Lipo-B shot)
you do not need magic beans.
say it with me.
"I do not need magic beans"
"I do not need magic beans"
"I do not need magic beans"
~now get off the computer
~take a multi-vitamin
~keep your money in your pocket and use your time more wisely.
Are you aware of the new craze involving women going to "doctors"
(yes that was in quotes and you would see me making that gesture were we speaking in person)
for "lipo-B" shots?
Uh huh.
this is the part where we say... HAHAHAHAHAHA.
So these women sit in an office once a WEEK, pay out anywhere from $25-$50 in CASH to get a shot in the hip of.........
(drumroll please)
vitamins and amino acids.
I take vitamins and amno acids too.
I buy a 60 day supply at WalMart for $6.
Here is a quote I pulled from a website touting the virtues of this wonder weight loss product.
"These injections are set up to be used in conjunction with a diet and exercise program."
DIET & EXERCISE???
are ya SURE?
genius.
There is no other word.
These NON-doctors have figured out a way to make a NON-TAXABLE income from a product you can give YOURSELF that you probably are not even really deficient of.
PLUS, they get the added bonus of selling you Phentermine (half of phen-fen which was pulled off the market in 1997 for KILLING people)
~and no, they are not certain of the effects of phentermine, but it is for OBESITY, not the trophy wife lookin to drop a little Mocha Latte weight.
Let's re-cap.
You can PAY up to $200 per month AND waste an average of 1.5 hours a week
(yes HUH you would, drive time & wait time)
PLUS!
~act now and you can also pay for a "doctor" visit at a minimum of $50, another HOUR per week and a PRESCRIPTION for Phentermine/Adipex (the generic phentermine)!
YAY!
.................................all without seeing an ACTUAL M.D.
(these services are most commonly offer by chiropractors and nurse practitioners and are NOT covered by insurance)
This all seems reasonable.
Oh wait,
NO
IT
DOESN'T!
Geez people, it isn't brain surgery.
Take a walk.
Eat a Salad.
Play a sport
Stop drinking sodas
Mow your own grass
Play with your kids/dog
Join a gym (don't tell me you can't afford it. one month is the same as ONE Lipo-B shot)
you do not need magic beans.
say it with me.
"I do not need magic beans"
"I do not need magic beans"
"I do not need magic beans"
~now get off the computer
~take a multi-vitamin
~keep your money in your pocket and use your time more wisely.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
cell phones of mass destruction
Cell phones are the downfall of our relationships?
One of my friends just commented that he broke up with his "this is the one" girlfriend because she was "too jealous"
know what she was doing?
guess?
She had answered his cell phone and checked it, etc.
*gasp*
I know most if not ALL of you are thinking to yourselves...SHE HAD NO RIGHT! THAT IS AN INVASION OF HIS PRIVACY!
really?
REALLY?
I mean, come on... they are in a relationship.
Should they even HAVE private calls/texts if that's true?
Should it be considered "snooping" to "check your significant other's phone"?
I say no.
Let's examine this.
10 years ago nobody even HAD the damned things right.
We had what?
HOUSE PHONES (and answering machines).
Can you imagine telling your spouse/significant other they can't answer the HOUSE PHONE?Would you even HAVE seperate house phones?
um, no.
Shouldn't CELL phones only be an extension of the HOUSE phone if you are in a relationship?
Would you think your spouse/steady was out of bounds by answering your house phone?
or talking to anyone who called it?
When did we become this sneaky society of MY private phone and YOUR private phone?
Hell, the Brady's only had one damned phone and it was in the Kitchen where the most privacy you could get was to stand in the den with nothing but a bi-fold door between you and Alice.
*yes I know they had on in the living room and later in the master bedroom, but shaddup I am making a point here.
SO, when did we become this group of"I'll share my bed/life/family with you, but you are crossing the line if you think you have a right to my PHONE!"
comments?
am I alone in thinking we, as a society, need to BE more trustworthy if we expect to be able to trust others.
One of my friends just commented that he broke up with his "this is the one" girlfriend because she was "too jealous"
know what she was doing?
guess?
She had answered his cell phone and checked it, etc.
*gasp*
I know most if not ALL of you are thinking to yourselves...SHE HAD NO RIGHT! THAT IS AN INVASION OF HIS PRIVACY!
really?
REALLY?
I mean, come on... they are in a relationship.
Should they even HAVE private calls/texts if that's true?
Should it be considered "snooping" to "check your significant other's phone"?
I say no.
Let's examine this.
10 years ago nobody even HAD the damned things right.
We had what?
HOUSE PHONES (and answering machines).
Can you imagine telling your spouse/significant other they can't answer the HOUSE PHONE?Would you even HAVE seperate house phones?
um, no.
Shouldn't CELL phones only be an extension of the HOUSE phone if you are in a relationship?
Would you think your spouse/steady was out of bounds by answering your house phone?
or talking to anyone who called it?
When did we become this sneaky society of MY private phone and YOUR private phone?
Hell, the Brady's only had one damned phone and it was in the Kitchen where the most privacy you could get was to stand in the den with nothing but a bi-fold door between you and Alice.
*yes I know they had on in the living room and later in the master bedroom, but shaddup I am making a point here.
SO, when did we become this group of"I'll share my bed/life/family with you, but you are crossing the line if you think you have a right to my PHONE!"
comments?
am I alone in thinking we, as a society, need to BE more trustworthy if we expect to be able to trust others.
Stairs-the wooden playthings of the DEVIL.
Working in a Plaintiff's firm you see a LOT of idiots.
You see a LOT of greed.
You see a LOT of NEGLIGENCE.
Now, while observing this negligence day after day, I have noted one common denominator.
People.
Yet, the law holds very little liability on the average idiot.
Let's look at a few examples shall we?
LAWN DARTS- a fine product. No worse than Horseshoes.
(Let's face it, if you chuck a HORSESHOE at a small child, you WILL injure them. BUT! Parents apparently allowed young children to do just that with a 12 inch DART. Brilliant)
LEGGOS- there are entire TOWNS devoted to this timeless toy.
Hours of creative play and imagination, the ability to learn physics without even realizing...and it all came in a compact and easily stored package. Heck, they didn't even hurt the vacuum much if ya sucked one up!
(But little Billy shoved one in his mouth and choked because his parents were not properly supervising a TODDLER and the world screamed for vengeance against this evil!)
BABY WALKERS- we ALLL used them, like our parents before us and every other parent of a pre-walker who wanted enough freedom to wash a dish, cook a meal or pay a bill without a child on one hip 24/7. The rolling baby walker gave our babies a sense of freedom and confidence, they were able to learn and explore.
(Alas, little Sally tippy-toed herself right down the stairs in one. OH THE HUMANITY! Why oh why was there not a "DO NOT USE WHEELED BABY WALKER ON STAIRS" sticker on this UNSAFE product? How are PARENTS supposed to know when to monitor their children?!?!?!)
CROCS- yeah, the SHOES...
which were created as footwear for boating and have been dubbed by the College of Podiatric Medicine as "fabulous footwear for kids due to their anti-microbial properties and arch support". They are colorful, waterproof and kids LOVE em!
(CNN reported them as posing a dangerous threat to children because the Worldwide media has reported Croc wearing kids getting their toes caught in escalators. You know...if we wore shoes with LACES, this NEVER WOULDA HAPPE.............er, wait. Damnit, Bring my sneakers to the shoe burning too!)
BALLOONS- I kid you not. Balloons are on the endangered toy list. Darnnitall kids can CHOKE on them. Well duh. So can cats but I don't see PETA asking for balloon removal.
WATERBOMB BALLS-THIS IS MY FAVORITE!
It has been recalled BECAUSE it is labeled with a Choking Hazard Warning...but it does not have any small parts and therefore they want it recalled.
WHY you ask?–I QUOTE "over-labeling dilutes the effectiveness of the warning"
well HOOEY to them.. My kid has a big ol' mouth and just might choke on a 3.5" diameter ball!
And I will sue them if she does! So THERE!
Which leads me to STAIRS..
The root of all evil, the most horrific of diabolical schemes.
Who among us has not fallen down (or in my case, I have the delicate balance to be able to fall UP) stairs?
Who has not tripped and twisted an ankle, stubbed a toe, or been humiliated in public by the "crap-I-thought-there-was-another-stair-there" stiff legged stumble?
Who hasn't dropped something valuable through the bleachers (heck yeah, they are stairs too!) at a ball game?
Who hasn't gotten a splinter from a bad railing?
Or gum stuck to your shoe from taking those nasty cement stairs beside the elevators?
Who hasn't slid down stairs on a blanket only to ram into the wall at the bottom?
What girl hasn't had the utter mortification of trying to come down the stairs and be presented to your family/boyfriend/groom only to have your feet whipped out from under you, skirt around your waist, torn hose, broken heel.
And WHO has not suffered the intense rug burns from errrrrrr, well, you know.
I say Stairs are bad.
Down with Stairs.
Please join me in a rally for the swift and permanent removal of this plague on society.
***All donations will go to R.A.M.P.S......Ridiculous Associations to Make People Safe.
You see a LOT of greed.
You see a LOT of NEGLIGENCE.
Now, while observing this negligence day after day, I have noted one common denominator.
People.
Yet, the law holds very little liability on the average idiot.
Let's look at a few examples shall we?
LAWN DARTS- a fine product. No worse than Horseshoes.
(Let's face it, if you chuck a HORSESHOE at a small child, you WILL injure them. BUT! Parents apparently allowed young children to do just that with a 12 inch DART. Brilliant)
LEGGOS- there are entire TOWNS devoted to this timeless toy.
Hours of creative play and imagination, the ability to learn physics without even realizing...and it all came in a compact and easily stored package. Heck, they didn't even hurt the vacuum much if ya sucked one up!
(But little Billy shoved one in his mouth and choked because his parents were not properly supervising a TODDLER and the world screamed for vengeance against this evil!)
BABY WALKERS- we ALLL used them, like our parents before us and every other parent of a pre-walker who wanted enough freedom to wash a dish, cook a meal or pay a bill without a child on one hip 24/7. The rolling baby walker gave our babies a sense of freedom and confidence, they were able to learn and explore.
(Alas, little Sally tippy-toed herself right down the stairs in one. OH THE HUMANITY! Why oh why was there not a "DO NOT USE WHEELED BABY WALKER ON STAIRS" sticker on this UNSAFE product? How are PARENTS supposed to know when to monitor their children?!?!?!)
CROCS- yeah, the SHOES...
which were created as footwear for boating and have been dubbed by the College of Podiatric Medicine as "fabulous footwear for kids due to their anti-microbial properties and arch support". They are colorful, waterproof and kids LOVE em!
(CNN reported them as posing a dangerous threat to children because the Worldwide media has reported Croc wearing kids getting their toes caught in escalators. You know...if we wore shoes with LACES, this NEVER WOULDA HAPPE.............er, wait. Damnit, Bring my sneakers to the shoe burning too!)
BALLOONS- I kid you not. Balloons are on the endangered toy list. Darnnitall kids can CHOKE on them. Well duh. So can cats but I don't see PETA asking for balloon removal.
WATERBOMB BALLS-THIS IS MY FAVORITE!
It has been recalled BECAUSE it is labeled with a Choking Hazard Warning...but it does not have any small parts and therefore they want it recalled.
WHY you ask?–I QUOTE "over-labeling dilutes the effectiveness of the warning"
well HOOEY to them.. My kid has a big ol' mouth and just might choke on a 3.5" diameter ball!
And I will sue them if she does! So THERE!
Which leads me to STAIRS..
The root of all evil, the most horrific of diabolical schemes.
Who among us has not fallen down (or in my case, I have the delicate balance to be able to fall UP) stairs?
Who has not tripped and twisted an ankle, stubbed a toe, or been humiliated in public by the "crap-I-thought-there-was-another-stair-there" stiff legged stumble?
Who hasn't dropped something valuable through the bleachers (heck yeah, they are stairs too!) at a ball game?
Who hasn't gotten a splinter from a bad railing?
Or gum stuck to your shoe from taking those nasty cement stairs beside the elevators?
Who hasn't slid down stairs on a blanket only to ram into the wall at the bottom?
What girl hasn't had the utter mortification of trying to come down the stairs and be presented to your family/boyfriend/groom only to have your feet whipped out from under you, skirt around your waist, torn hose, broken heel.
And WHO has not suffered the intense rug burns from errrrrrr, well, you know.
I say Stairs are bad.
Down with Stairs.
Please join me in a rally for the swift and permanent removal of this plague on society.
***All donations will go to R.A.M.P.S......Ridiculous Associations to Make People Safe.
a Golden Compass and a Swift Kick in the Teeth
So it has recently been brought to my attention--via several chain emails and Myspace bulletins,that we are to SHUN this movie "Golden Compass" due to the fact that in the book, the children are "out to kill God".
uh huh... tell me more.
The book further goes into the fact that SHOULD these children kill God, it woud create chaos.
Hmmm, well THAT seems like a lesson worth learning, no?
But I digress, it is the idiot religious sect that has me gnashing my horrible teeth and rolling my horrible eyes (sorry, threw in a "wild things" reference just for fun).
People, IT IS A BOOOOOOOOOOOK.
Hey, remember this one.. "SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE".
yeah, a book about eating people, yet that must be something the world religions are not concerned with as I heard no protest on that one.
What about almost every Shakespeare anything which includes a range from murder to incest....anyone? anyone? beuller?
Then there is, of course, the book which speaks of the killing of Christ, nay, the TORTUROUS killing of Christ.
I think it is called the BIBLE?
Good gravy people, it is a BOOK, not a mind control device.
Wait, what am I SAYING???
Even if it WERE written as the "stereo manual" of murder and somehow chanted on a nightly basis to an unsuspecting socially inept bible thumping nerdlet while he slept in his plastic sheet covered twin bed...
IS there a fear that he is going to find GOD and put a cap in his holy ass?
Oh, Christ on Cracker.
I'm moving to Tibet to live with the monks.
uh huh... tell me more.
The book further goes into the fact that SHOULD these children kill God, it woud create chaos.
Hmmm, well THAT seems like a lesson worth learning, no?
But I digress, it is the idiot religious sect that has me gnashing my horrible teeth and rolling my horrible eyes (sorry, threw in a "wild things" reference just for fun).
People, IT IS A BOOOOOOOOOOOK.
Hey, remember this one.. "SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE".
yeah, a book about eating people, yet that must be something the world religions are not concerned with as I heard no protest on that one.
What about almost every Shakespeare anything which includes a range from murder to incest....anyone? anyone? beuller?
Then there is, of course, the book which speaks of the killing of Christ, nay, the TORTUROUS killing of Christ.
I think it is called the BIBLE?
Good gravy people, it is a BOOK, not a mind control device.
Wait, what am I SAYING???
Even if it WERE written as the "stereo manual" of murder and somehow chanted on a nightly basis to an unsuspecting socially inept bible thumping nerdlet while he slept in his plastic sheet covered twin bed...
IS there a fear that he is going to find GOD and put a cap in his holy ass?
Oh, Christ on Cracker.
I'm moving to Tibet to live with the monks.
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