Stairs-the wooden playthings of the DEVIL.

Working in a Plaintiff's firm you see a LOT of idiots.
You see a LOT of greed.
You see a LOT of NEGLIGENCE.

Now, while observing this negligence day after day, I have noted one common denominator.

People.

Yet, the law holds very little liability on the average idiot.

Let's look at a few examples shall we?

LAWN DARTS- a fine product. No worse than Horseshoes.

(Let's face it, if you chuck a HORSESHOE at a small child, you WILL injure them. BUT! Parents apparently allowed young children to do just that with a 12 inch DART. Brilliant)

LEGGOS- there are entire TOWNS devoted to this timeless toy.
Hours of creative play and imagination, the ability to learn physics without even realizing...and it all came in a compact and easily stored package. Heck, they didn't even hurt the vacuum much if ya sucked one up!

(But little Billy shoved one in his mouth and choked because his parents were not properly supervising a TODDLER and the world screamed for vengeance against this evil!)

BABY WALKERS- we ALLL used them, like our parents before us and every other parent of a pre-walker who wanted enough freedom to wash a dish, cook a meal or pay a bill without a child on one hip 24/7. The rolling baby walker gave our babies a sense of freedom and confidence, they were able to learn and explore.

(Alas, little Sally tippy-toed herself right down the stairs in one. OH THE HUMANITY! Why oh why was there not a "DO NOT USE WHEELED BABY WALKER ON STAIRS" sticker on this UNSAFE product? How are PARENTS supposed to know when to monitor their children?!?!?!)

CROCS- yeah, the SHOES...
which were created as footwear for boating and have been dubbed by the College of Podiatric Medicine as "fabulous footwear for kids due to their anti-microbial properties and arch support". They are colorful, waterproof and kids LOVE em!

(CNN reported them as posing a dangerous threat to children because the Worldwide media has reported Croc wearing kids getting their toes caught in escalators. You know...if we wore shoes with LACES, this NEVER WOULDA HAPPE.............er, wait. Damnit, Bring my sneakers to the shoe burning too!)

BALLOONS- I kid you not. Balloons are on the endangered toy list. Darnnitall kids can CHOKE on them. Well duh. So can cats but I don't see PETA asking for balloon removal.

WATERBOMB BALLS-THIS IS MY FAVORITE!
It has been recalled BECAUSE it is labeled with a Choking Hazard Warning...but it does not have any small parts and therefore they want it recalled.

WHY you ask?–I QUOTE "over-labeling dilutes the effectiveness of the warning"

well HOOEY to them.. My kid has a big ol' mouth and just might choke on a 3.5" diameter ball!

And I will sue them if she does! So THERE!

Which leads me to STAIRS..
The root of all evil, the most horrific of diabolical schemes.

Who among us has not fallen down (or in my case, I have the delicate balance to be able to fall UP) stairs?

Who has not tripped and twisted an ankle, stubbed a toe, or been humiliated in public by the "crap-I-thought-there-was-another-stair-there" stiff legged stumble?

Who hasn't dropped something valuable through the bleachers (heck yeah, they are stairs too!) at a ball game?

Who hasn't gotten a splinter from a bad railing?

Or gum stuck to your shoe from taking those nasty cement stairs beside the elevators?

Who hasn't slid down stairs on a blanket only to ram into the wall at the bottom?

What girl hasn't had the utter mortification of trying to come down the stairs and be presented to your family/boyfriend/groom only to have your feet whipped out from under you, skirt around your waist, torn hose, broken heel.

And WHO has not suffered the intense rug burns from errrrrrr, well, you know.

I say Stairs are bad.



Down with Stairs.

Please join me in a rally for the swift and permanent removal of this plague on society.

***All donations will go to R.A.M.P.S......Ridiculous Associations to Make People Safe.